Monday, 25 March 2013

Male chastity. When full time means full time.

 

Following on from our meeting with Goddess Cleo, I have been discussing with Paul the subject of his chastity.  Goddess Cleo wondered why he was allowed to be free of his device at night, when he was home with me.

It got me thinking that perhaps I was being way to easy on Paul. I know how he craves strict treatment from me and enforced rules. On the other hand, he has had some issues with getting a rash from prolonged use of the CB and getting a disturbed nights sleep when he has worn it. If he wakes in the night it can wake me also.

What is your take on this? Should a sub hubby be made to wear it 24/7, no exceptions, or just during waking hours.

Let me know what you think please.


28 comments:

  1. That's quite a tricky thing to comment on Miss Zoe. For what it's worth, my thoughts are that the starting point for chastity should always be 24/7. All other things being equal, the male should not have any choice in the matter, all the control being with the Female. As you've pointed out though, all other things are not equal, in that there is the issue of maintaining good health (with the rash), and the issue of you (both) getting a good nights sleep.

    If the rash is itchy or sore to the extent it's causing a health issue, then it might be better to remove the chastity device overnight, or possibly for longer, just until it heals. The sleep issue is a bit different. One view would be that if Paul is woken in the night by his male urges, that's just too bad for him, and provided he doesn't wake you then he'll just have to put up with it. I'm sure a suitable punishment could be provided if he does wake you.

    So I suppose in summary I'd say any significant health issue and it might be wise to minimise chastity for a while, or consider a different method. For the sleep issue, I think that's less of a reason to minimise the chastity and perhaps an opportunity to train Paul not to wake you when he wakes in the night.

    One final idea (which may not be practical) is that Paul can have his hands or his penis free, but never both. So to help the rash heal he could be out of his chastity device, but have his hands somehow restrained to prevent him touching himself. When the device goes back on, he has normal use of his hands again.

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  2. First I'd like to say thank you for writing such a great blog so far, sorry I've not commented till this point but as I've only been reading for a couple of days and this is close to the question posed in another post thought I'd reply to the more recent post.

    In my opinion your choice to allow him to be unchaste during the evening is your own. He gives himself to you fully, and this comes with responsibility for his well being as well as everything else. If the device has detrimental effects to his health (rashes can always get worse and become something a whole lot worse (ontop of generally being unsightly)) his body is yours as you to use as you wish but if that's damaged is it not bad for you also? Say you wish to use it and its in a bad state.

    On top of this you have the mental aspect, he's chaste during the day, but during the night he has the ability to abuse his "freedom" but chooses not to knowing he is doing this for you.

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  3. A chastity device should be worn full time with no exceptions for you to take total control of him. I am assuming that is what you both want.

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  4. "It got me thinking that perhaps I was being way to easy on Paul. I know how he craves strict treatment from me and enforced rules"

    A man needs a woman to enforce encourage cheer for him. The physical pressure for release is huge. The benefits of abstinence are great. It is so so hard to achieve and when the man gives in then it reminds him of his weakness.

    A chastity device is just one tool. In a way perhaps a recognition of the weakness of the male. I would have thought that chastity through his devotion to you would be fine even better or perhaps even the goal. The device being like braces. One the teeth are straight the braces are no longer needed. Once he has the strength to keep his hands off it then the device should be no longer required. Fun to play with but not actually required.

    To me the key thing is that he does what you tell him to do.

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  5. The answer to your question is really a question only you can answer: what is your objective with putting him in chastity? Is it denial? If so you don't even need a device. Is it to prevent masturabation? Is it to demonstrate control? Whatever the motive(s) is/are then that should answer. Of course, there is no reason you can't experiment. You can always change your routine. Nothing says that if you choose 'this' routine, that you can't alter that and try something different.
    Good question to pose.

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  6. As someone who has experienced that under-the-ring soreness/rash, the only way to ever get past it is by wearing the device a LOT. Eventually the skin will toughen up and it wont be a problem for him. But allowing him out all night, every night, isn't helping that occur.

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  7. Thanks to all who commented. This gives me a lot to think about.

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  8. Ms Zoe,
    Count me in amongst those who believe full time means 24/7.
    If he wakes up in the middle of the night with a raging hardon and horny thoughts, it’d be very difficult for him not to quietly slip out of the bed and masturbate in the bathroom.
    Plus unlocking every night and locking every morning is tedious and impractical.
    A little reddening of the skin shouldn’t prevent 24/7 lockup, but a definite rash with itching is bound to get worse from prolonged continous use of his CB.
    However, there’s no reason to give up! Instead, you should try to find out what causes the rash.
    Too tight undergarments or the wrong material? Too tight jeans? Try looser fitting clothes, make him wear a skirt with nothing under in the evening; preferably a cotton nightgown during the night.
    To little lube, or the wrong kind of lube? Test other lubes! Vaseline is best for me, but all skins are different.
    Too much soap? Try showering without soap every other day, try different brands. Ask for mild soap at the drug store.
    Eczema or fungus infection? Ask your GP. If she prescribes an ointment, put the CB on when the rash has subsided but continue with the ointment every 2-3-4 days.
    Best of luck!

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  9. I think that you and Paul decide what is right. Everyone is different and what is perfect for me may be a deal breaker for another.

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  10. I think most of the material you read about people, especially males, being in chastity for extremely extended periods is mostly fantasy. On average, I'm in chastity an average of 15-20 hours per day. Sometimes I sleep with my chastity belt on, sometimes I don't. My wife Debbie makes the call, but it's with my input because there are times where continued use would cause some chafing, or some skin irritations which would take too long to heal and keep me out of chastity even longer. Warm baths, hot showers, and lotions also help. Full time for us means more my being kept in chastity while I am away from Debbie.

    Just my two cents. Enjoy your blog, and will be adding it to my blog roll. Thanks for linking to mine as well.

    RW

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  11. Thanks for this. He has had some minor skin infection where the cage comes into contact with the side of his man clit. It took about 3 weeks to completely heal with ointment!

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  12. Ms

    I am lucky that during periods when I have been kept chaste I have only seldom been compelled to wear a cage overnight. I found it disruptive to my sleep, as I would wake in considerable pain at least once during every night.

    My mistress (with whom I did not sleep, so my problems did not inconvenience her) told me she found my pain amusing, so I forced myself to accept it and even be thankful for it as a way of giving her pleasure. But whether I could have sustained that commitment if she had made me continue long-term, or whether perhaps I may have become accustomed to the pain and discomfort I never had to find out.

    What I would say, as a male, is that freedom from physical control at night is precious to me. Even if I am locked up during the day, the fact of having my cock free when I am in bed gives me pleasure and psychological relief ... even if I don't masturbate. Even if I were prevented from touching myself with my hands, just having it free and being able to rub myself against the bed/pillow, etc. so as to get hard gives me pleasure and makes me feel like a proper man (even though I'm not and even though I know that doing those things actually makes me pathetic and shows what a loser I am).

    So (and I know this may be bad news for your sub hubby that I say this) I think that maintaining strict control through the night is really the only way to enforce a submale's true status - mentally as well as physically. I know that, speaking for myself, if I am free at night then even control during the day is not real control because I know that it will not last and I can feel "normal" again at night. If you want submissiveness to be his only "normal", then it must be full-time.

    Respectfully

    Tom

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  13. hi, i've worn chastity for just over 2 years, being let out by my Mistress at weekends to clean and sometimes relief. Personally its not very comfortable to wear, though i wear it to prove im committed to my Mistress. This weekend, i was put back into it, after having last seven weeks free from it. My Mistress, believes i am more attentive and a more focussed when i am wearing the chastity device (cb6000). This is the 2nd longest break I've had from wearing it, the other was when i was on a break from fetish for some months.

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  14. Hello Zoe, this is the first time i have read your blog and felt compelled to reply to this poser! When Mistress first started locking me up I too came out in a bad rash and got quite sore. We found a healthy coat of Vaseline around the device formed a barrier and solved that problem no end. With regards to prolonged wear, at first she was kind and just kept it on short term but as she has grown more controlling and dominating it is on permanently. She loves the fact that I still wake sometimes so desperate and sore and just have to lay there till the ache subsides. I am only allowed release a couple of times per week, to simply wash and shave then I am locked straight back up. She used to give me ruined orgasms for health reasons but has told me in future the only way i will be milked is through prostate massage. I will never experience the joy of orgasm again. This both fills me with despair and gives me the pleasure of knowing my life as her slave will get better and better. I hope this helps. Yours, Cats slave

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  15. My Mistress makes me wear the CB6000 chastity device 24/7 but once a week I'm allowed out for a supervised cleaning of the device plus I'm allowed to wash and shave the genital area. After the cleaning I'm locked up again immediately. Occasionally if some soreness or redness is present I'm given a supervised grace period of a few hours. Wearing the device at night was only a problem for a few nights when I first started wearing it but is no longer a problem/

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  16. Having had some experience with a couple of chastity devices and also continuous (i.e. over 24 hrs at a time) wear, I can fully sympathize with poor Paul. Those night-time aches are terrible, and pretty much impossible to sleep through. I've tried, but I've never been able to get back to sleep once they've started. I've either had to get up, walk around a bit (waking up completely in the process), or had to give in and unlock the device. That was with a CB6000. I also have a metal Chinese knockoff that I can sleep with all night, no problem. Of course, I can slip that one off if I want, but a) no one is forcing me to wear the thing in the first place, and b) none of those "only-over-the-cock" devices are very hard to get out of anyway. Not unless you put on a ring so tight your balls start turning purple.

    Anyway, from what I hear, eventually you get somewhat used to the pain, although people who wear it 24/7 for months on end still report there being pain at night. Now, maybe Paul kind of likes that. I know even though it hurts like a constant, throbbing kick to the stomach, it's kind of sexy being all caged up, straining to get out, but unable. Especially if, like in your case, he really has no choice and just has to take it. If that's his thing, and he can function on the reduced sleep, you could tie him up at night so he can't toss or turn. I don't know how old your kids are, so that might not be practical if they're still old enough to want to come in your room at night. If you and he decide that the sleeplessness that thing causes is too much, you can try getting a slightly looser or better fitting device. They make silicone ones called Birdlockeds that may be gentler, and that Chinese one I bought, along with a host of others, can be purchased here: http://www.wholesale-bdsm.com/stainless-steel-chastity-device-no919-p-1689.html
    Bear in mind that it pinches a little at the top.

    Now as for that rash, I would leave the device off while that heals. In fact, I'd say there's a good chance it got as bad as it did because you left it on too long during the initial period and didn't give it time to heal properly. Or maybe he's just sensitive. In either case, you should definitely listen to his body. I only occasionally wear a chastity device, and if I've been out of one for long, just like jumping back in a workout routine, there's a bit of an adjustment period. Usually after the first full day or night, there will be a pretty bad rash around the penis and balls. The device should be left off for a couple days to let the skin heal and harden, and then redonned only once the skin has healed completely. Repeat as necessary. It takes me about two or three days to heal, and usually I don't need another "refractory period" after that.

    Anyway, just my two cents. Hope this is of some use. If you'd like to know more about chastity play, I find the following two blogs to be great, down-to-earth resources.
    http://www.malechastityblog.com/
    http://denyingthumper.com/
    Hell, Sarah Jameson from the male chastity blog lives somewhere in England. Maybe if you two are close enough you could meet up for a chat at a nice cafe or something. Anyway,you two have fun. :)

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  17. In my own experience, I've learned that chafing of the skin can be prevented by using liberal amounts of lube. For me, that means I apply it after I shower in the AM and then re-apply right before I go to bed. This method has allowed for continuous long-term wear without excessive pain or skin irritation.

    That said, the type of device you choose is also critical. The plastic ones are more prone to cause chafing than metal. You can get a custom chastity cage made for about the price of 2 of the plastic ones and it is well worth it in my experience so far. "Mature Metal" has some good options and they can help get the fit correct as well.

    The other concern about waking up in the middle of the night is something that in my experience can't be avoided but definitely gets better over time. The first week or so if tough, ever week after that gets easier. It is very likely that he will wake up between 3:30a and 4:00a but with a little practice, you can go right back to sleep and be fine. In those first couple weeks, taking a natural melatonin supplement can also help.

    Feel free to google "slaveboy's guide to surviving chastity" for more tips on long-term wear.

    Hope that helps.

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  18. Ms Zoe, yes, the luberication is key. Rashes are common at first, but with proper application of vaseline even before attaching the device should relieve the problem. After a few weeks you may consider switching to a body lotion.
    I have been in chastity for a year. My wife closely inspects daily for cleanliness, and supervises how I clean it when showering. Once a week she removes it, and I give it a very thorough cleaning in her presence, and then return it to her for her approval. She is very insistent on extreme cleanliness. She is always present when I am not wearing the device.
    She is very pleased with the device. She travels a bit, so feels more secure when I am 'secure'.
    I have just discovered your site, and am very impressed. I hope to learn from yours and others experiences, and maybe share some of my own. Thank you.

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  19. err - lubrication.

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  20. If he uses a q tip and puts lotion all around in the cage every day it will stop the chaffing and rashes. Its chaffes from dry skin rubbing

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  21. When I am in chastity it is 24/7. It takes about 3 days before the discomfort and night time erections abate and then it is fine. It is no way as comfortable as being free but it is absolutely manageable. I think that a steel cage is much easier to wear though than a CB. Easy to clean and I find it doesn't chaff as much. I have had great success with a couple of cages from DH GAte. They are inexpensive and a great introduction to steel.
    My cage has been securely on without a second of release for the last three weeks and their is no end in sight, with the rule when it went on that she will determine when it comes off, and I am not to ask or it will come straight off and go in the bin.
    I would hate that!

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  22. I also control my partner's climaxes by issuing "restrictions," when he is not permitted to climax and at times (during a punishment restriction) he is not permitted to even touch his little penis. Yet, I normally prefer to require him to do this without the assistance of a device. We have a starter device that I sometimes enjoy seeing him in, especially in front of another dominant woman friend of mine. I do think that your property's safety is important for you - and him. If he is sleeping next to you, it seems like a reasonable request of his to be allowed out at night.
    While I certainly enjoy talking with other dominant women about their approach, I am very mindful that any techniques have to work for us in our own particular relationship. I've learned that this has changed significantly over the years. I've been able to take -- and certainly want to take -- more control. When we started on this journey, having my partner restricted 5-7 days was a long time. Now I require him to go over a month without much thought (at least on my part). He's learned.
    People provided good advice above (except the gentleman who shouldn't even be on this type of site since this approach isn't good for him) but it is just advice. One thing I have found with our Femdom approach is that communications is key. You guys need to communicate and figure out what best works for you two.
    Good luck.
    Rachel

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  23. CB should be worn at night. Over time, the body gets used, though not completely. Even now after 4 years I have a strong morning erections about 6 and 30 PM. Sometimes I have one around 5AM. A month ago I received PA jewelry. Currently I'm not wearing CB until all the well healed. For about a month first time my penis taught in Steelvorkks Revenge with PA lock.

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  24. slave caged truly believes he should wear his chastity device permanently

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  25. Zoe..He should be made to wear it 24/7 no doubt...I keep my husband in chastity 24/7 for several months at a time the only time I release him is when i am present and awake to supervise his behaviour and prevent him touching his penis and during this period if he gets an erection i make him take a long cold shower to deal with it.. if you are intent on keeping him chaste for long periods then his frustration will be severe and I am sure that if he is free at night he will get an erection and wont be able to resist rubbing himself and even reaching orgasm whilst you are asleep...It is uncomfortable wearing a device at night and sometimes painful but we are in control and need to make sure our males play by the rules. I know that if my husband got the opportunity he would masturbate to get relief so it is essential he does not get the opportunity....several months of chastity can be ruined in a moment!!!

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  26. I am kept locked 24/7 and my wife has moved me out of her bed to the spare room to keep me from disturbing her sleep. I have to always be ready to respond to her call if she needs something during the night.

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  27. I just commented on our Blog about chastity for larger members. I think the beet route is get the PA and a chastity that uses the PA to hold onto the penis.

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